Monday, September 20, 2010

An overwhelming calm

I know. It's 6 am and what am I doing on the computer?! I actually just fell asleep about 2 hours ago. Emmett needed his blood sugars checked at 2 am and I am one who cannot fall back asleep after waking up to do something. I believe that I drifted off to sleep around 4am. When I woke up a bit ago I was in calm tears. Here's the story. I'm not sure I can explain it as well as I feel it right now, but here goes. I have been worried about Emmett and his sugars getting really low the past few days and I am sure that was on my mind as I tried to get back to sleep. My mind was worried and must have lead me to a nice place to think. I felt like I was in a room of some sort(maybe hospital cause it was so clean and lightly colored). and lying in the bed was Gram Martin. My best friend Bree's grandma who passed away a year or so ago. I am not sure why she was in bed, since I remember her always shuffling around and doing something- washing a dish or yelling at us to take off our muddy shoes and not to slam the door as we were already half way down the basement stairs. But she looked great and had an enormous smile on her face. For those of you whom have met her, it was good to see after seeing mostly a scowl for 20-something years! ;) . We hugged and cried and started recalling some great memories and the one that stuck out was our "kindred" birthday. Gram was born in 1912 and I in 1977. One particular year, she turned 77 and I turned 12. We celebrated with a cake and I can still see the photo that was taken that day(I wish I had that picture to add to this post. Gonna try to locate I think!). Gram continued on to say that she was doing her part to look after Ella Claire, Bree's young baby girl who left this earth after just a few short days. She told me Emmett would be alright and not to worry that this will be ok. I truly can't put into words the way I feel now and when I "woke" up. I really feel like we talked for hours and can say that I feel incredibly lucky to have met and loved such a great woman. My hands are still trembling and my eyes still weeping as I try to put this into words. I feel blessed. and comforted. I remember this feeling from when I had a "dream" right after Dad passed away-comfort with sadness.
I think that I will plant some flowers today in great memory of Gram and my "conversation". This is such a euphoric feeling that I don't want to forget. Maybe some really beautiful fall colored mums......